I still don’t know why.

[Ron Lording]

You know when grown-ups tell you ‘everything’s going to be fine’ and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better?

Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time!

Saving the world with meals on wheels. All I’ve got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? You’ve swallowed a planet! You hit me with a cricket bat.

I’m the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor. I don’t know why. I call me the Doctor too. I still don’t know why.

It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! You hit me with a cricket bat. I’m the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor. I don’t know why. I call me the Doctor too. I still don’t know why.

Aw, you’re all Mr. Grumpy Face today.
You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas?
Saving the world with meals on wheels.
The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.

It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! Aw, you’re all Mr. Grumpy Face today. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
Aw, you’re all Mr. Grumpy Face today.
Saving the world with meals on wheels.
*Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens! I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. I’m the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor. I don’t know why. I call me the Doctor too. I still don’t know why.

You know when grown-ups tell you ‘everything’s going to be fine’ and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better? I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself.

*Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness. I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship.

Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me!

I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks! You’ve swallowed a planet! You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister. Saving the world with meals on wheels. You know when grown-ups tell you ‘everything’s going to be fine’ and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better?

It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. You’ve swallowed a planet! You hit me with a cricket bat. *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do!

*Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks!

I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me! It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. Did I mention we have comfy chairs?

You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? All I’ve got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! All I’ve got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong?

It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens! Did I mention we have comfy chairs?

[Ron Lording]

Well that is weird!

[Ron Lording]

The second monster followed the first, and at that the artilleryman began to crawl very cautiously across the hot heather ash towards Horsell. He managed to get alive into the ditch by the side of the road, and so escaped to Woking. There his story became ejaculatory. The place was impassable. It seems there were a few people alive there, frantic for the most part and many burned and scalded. He was turned aside by the fire, and hid among some almost scorching heaps of broken wall as one of the Martian giants returned. He saw this one pursue a man, catch him up in one of its steely tentacles, and knock his head against the trunk of a pine tree. At last, after nightfall, the artilleryman made a rush for it and got over the railway embankment.

Since then he had been skulking along towards Maybury, in the hope of getting out of danger Londonward. People were hiding in trenches and cellars, and many of the survivors had made off towards Woking village and Send. He had been consumed with thirst until he found one of the water mains near the railway arch smashed, and the water bubbling out like a spring upon the road.

[Author]

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